Adam

When preparing for trial, we sometimes succumb to "trial psychosis," the delusional belief that we have a "good case" or a "chance of winning."

Then, often when you are sitting and reviewing the police reports a few days before trial, you have a moment. Something just doesn't add up. Suddenly the case is awful. Laughable. The client's story has gone from God's own revealed truth to a steaming pile of poo.

Sigh. I have nine days to re-delude myself if I'm gonna do a halfway decent job. Go go doublethink!

Ok, so this is the view across the street from the new office, and as you can see, not a whole lot there. I basically just want to see if the photo posting works. So, yeah.

First day at new job--over. People--seem ok. Office furniture--arranged. Office supply room--raided.

Observed some court in the afternoon, and nothing terrible happened. Hopefully i'll be up to speed in a couple weeks.

EDIT:  When I view this, I see about 2 pages worth of blank space before the photo.  If anyone knows how to fix that, tell me.

Hey! I got an iPhone! Posting this post in court. And in my new county. Wow.

I haven't posted for 10 weeks!  Yay.  Lots to update, no time.  Have to be at court in 5 min. 

This post is to encourage me to make a real post later, and also to make the thing stop saying "10 weeks since last post." 

Done.

A man, Mr. L., is in court.  Mr. L. is an elderly, rural Wisconsinite--owns a farm, hunts, just looks like your classic conservative farmer.  

Mr. L. is in court on the charge that he unlawfully took a deer without a proper tag (which is a license you get from the Department of Natural Resources for a small fee).  He doesn't have a lawyer.  He pled Not Guilty and was in court for a trial to the Judge.

I am there.

I see this.

So, the trial starts, and the DA calls Mr. L. as a witness.  He asks Mr. L. if he came into possession of a deer in early February.

Mr. L., as I said, is a old farmer, and, like many old coots, he knows how to tell a good story.  I can't even begin to recreate it in all its detail, but I'll try to get the basics.

Yes, he came into possession of a deer.  He was out for a Fish Fry with his wife and some friends at the local tavern, and they were playing Dominos.  They got a call from Mr. L.'s nephew.  Hey.  I just saw a deer down on the side of 4-Mile road.  There were some deputy sheriffs there, looks like they just finished off the deer with a shotgun.  You should come down and pick up the carcass.  

Yes, he went down to take a look.  He was with his nephew.  The deer was mostly in a snowbank, but he saw some of the antlers sticking out.  He pulled it up, and, damn, if it wasn't an eight-point buck dead in the ditch.  Deer hadn't been there for more than an hour, and since it was in the cold, there wasn't nothing wrong with it.  Plus, this was about a mile from his farm, and, since they do see a lot of deer out in the hay field, he reckons that he probably had been feeding the deer all winter.  Seemed like a shame to let it go to waste, especially a nice eight -pointer like that.

Plus, being out on Four-Mile in the middle of the night, someone could hit it and wreck up their car.  Doing a public service here.

So he decides to load it up.  He tried to put it in the truck, but it was too heavy, being dead weight.  His nephew would've helped but he had his Packers jacket on.  So he's sitting there, pondering, when another truck comes along.  Two guys got out, and he asked them for a hand.  No, he doesn't know their full names, but one is J---- and he works for D----, and one works down at the --------- shop.  They helped him load it up.  He says, "what do I owe ya?"  They say "a moose steak."  Everyone knows he hunts moose.  He says "sure, you know where I live, come on any time."

Yes, he takes it home, cleans it out in his garage the next day.  (I'll spare you the part about him having to go to two or three seperate taxidermists before he can find someone who will mount the head properly).  Normally, he wouldn't mount or eat something he didn't kill himself, but, seeing as how it was such a nice looking buck, and seeing as how he did feed it on his hayfield all winter, it seemed ok.  And then, he also has a new addition to his house that he'd just finished, and there was a good spot to hang the head on the wall.

About six months later, a game warden comes knocking at his door.  (Non-verbal aside--this warden is about 20 years old, skinny, pale, meek, basically the total opposite of the Mr. L.)  Do you know anything about a deer, he asks.  Yes I do, Mr. L. answers.  Where is it?  Well, most of it we ate...but the head is in the new addition, want to see?  

"Mr. L.," he says.  "Mr. L., that deer is state property, so unless you had tagged it properly, I'm going to have to take it."

"No.  You got no right to it.  I'll throw it out or burn it before I give it to the government."

"Well, can I at least get a picture of it?"

"Sure."

(Mr. L. takes the warden into his house, shows him the new addition.  I picture a lot of wood paneling and a lot of animal heads on the wall.)

The DA:  Did you tell the warden how you acquired the deer?

Sure, I told him about how I was out for a Fish Fry, playing Dominos...(Mr. L. launches into a reprise of the story).

Mr L., Questioning the Warden: how did you find out I had the deer.

--A confidential informant.

--Was it J---- or ------ (the two guys in the truck).

--I can't tell you that.  (Pause)  But no, it wasn't.

--Aha!  It was X------!

--(pause) I can't tell you that.

Mr. L., Testifying on his own behalf:

--I just want to add that I didnt' do anything wrong, the deer would have just rotted there on the road, or someone would have run it over and wrecked their car.  Plus, X----- used to work for me, and just before this all happened he attacked me with a trowel, and then took a knife and slashed the tire of my dumptruck.  I called his parole agent and got him thrown in jail.  He's still in there now.

So the testimony wraps up, and then the Judge asks what the DA wants to do with the case.  The DA says he doesn't enjoy having to prosecute this case, but the fact is that legally, Mr. L. can't do what he did, and the deer (and it's head) was, and is, state property.  Therefore he wants the Judge to order the return of the head (!?).

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The Judge didn't make a decision today.  He's going to think about it and issue a decision later.  I know the Judge is also an avid hunter, so I think he's trying to think of a way to let Mr. L. slide.

After everyone else left, the Judge and the court staff and me and a couple others were joking around about the case.  My suggestion--have him donate the head to the Judge to hang on the courtroom wall.

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However this turns out, Mr. L. has a good story to tell, and, since he's obviously a man who appreciates a good story, I think he's probably benefited from this wierdness already.  But I hope he gets to keep his head.

http://www.wicourts.gov/sc/opinion/DisplayDocument.html?content=html&seqNo=33332

Welcome to the wonderful world of necrophilia litigation.   Ahem.

"The three defendants returned to the cemetery with shovels, a crowbar, a tarpaulin, and a box of condoms, which the men had purchased that evening on their way to the cemetery."

I think the condoms show a really excellent (and disturbing) amount of foresight.

"I don't think a corpse can give consent."

I haven't seen a necrophilia case in my jurisdiction yet, but this is the kind of case I would love to get up and argue. 

Ok, back to work.